Tuesday, December 28, 2004
*speechless* like a kettle- the thoughts boil over. the steam that come up is misty. but water contained inside is clear. just too hot. -calm down- when the water had cooled dwn. that's when it can be poured out for a drink. "love can see but it doesnt mind"
cannot stand it!! so nice! i'm gonna fall in love with her liao! haha
freedom in her soul at 1:04:00 AM
Monday, December 27, 2004
had the sca agm and gathering. seems like a lot of work for next year.. haha gathering was fun! they booked this function room in safra which comes with pool table, karaoke and the photo-hunt-game thingy. u noe.. those sort of for company gathering like that.. haha sung till late. had my bro to drive me home.why do i even bother to tell u.. u are just like them.. just know how to scold and say..
freedom in her soul at 2:55:00 AM
Sunday, December 26, 2004
happy boxing day! haha didnt come online early enuff to wish merry xmas.. anyway this year's xmas countdown is so fun!! haha went to eat fish & co with my sec sch frens and some of their frens.. total there are 15 of us! haha so had to wait damn long for a table lor.. somemore in the end we are seperated. -_- 10 of us walked to orchard, in one straight row, with our arms linked together. haha we are like blocking the whole pathway! so funny can!! so many people!! ren shan ren hai lor! almost everyone is armed with the crazy ribbons and the snow-foam thingy and just spraying at anyone! the scene is just so fun and crazy!
took a mrt down to esplanade to countdown.. but the crowd there is so quiet and everyone countdown at different timings.. haha so hilarious!
went marina south for bowling (which i pretty much sucked at), played a lot of lame games and basically luff till piengz. haha after that we pretty much didnt have any plans and just hang around. there were some disagreements abt where to go next and in the end we decided to split up. the rest of us walked from marina south all the way to suntech!! great achievement okie! although it is like only one mrt stop away but it was such a long walk (more than 2 hours?) ! we explored and walk on those pretty wulu places. heng hao wuan lor!! we crapped, lamed and luffed all the way..
actually wanted to eat breakfast but everyone was so tired, so went home.. reached home at 7am and slept till 2 plus.. haha spent my xmas slacking while listening to my bro's ipod..
so fast xmas had passed le! actually i like the pre-xmas days rather than xmas day itself.. everyone will be like in such a festive mood, shopping, partying etc.. haha so same time next year? haha ^_^
"mei feng jia jie, xing fu de ren hui gen xing fu, ji mo de ren hui gen ji mo.."
during every festivals, those who are in bliss will become more blissful, those who are lonely will be come even lonelier..
"dan dan de wei dao ye shi yi zhong wei dao.."
dan you dan de xiang..bland, in anyway, is also a taste.. a simple life on it own is just as interesting
i want the moment to be real, want to touch things i dun feel, want to hold on and feel where i belong..
"i'm still here" by john rzeznik.. this is the soundtrack of your chapter in my life..
and how can the world want me to change, they're the ones that still the same, they dun see me but i'm still here..
this christmas many things had happened.. for better or worse? only time can tell..
freedom in her soul at 3:30:00 AM
Friday, December 24, 2004
read this book by paulo coelho "veronika decides to die". very interesting.. abt this woman who is unhappy abt her life because everything in her life is the same. so she tries to kill herself so that she can be freed-eternal oblivion. but she failed and was send to a asylum where she's told she only have a few more days to live. there, she finds a whole new meaning to 'being mad' etc.
still in the process of reading it but it is really very captivating!
there are some parts of it that i think is very meaningful:
madness is the inability to communicate your ideas.. and all of us, one way or another, are mad
once in a mental hospital, a person grows used to the freedom that exists in the world of madness and becomes addicted to it. you no longer have to take on responsibilities, to struggle to earmn your daily bread, to be bothered with repetitive, mundaune tasks...everything is tolerated, afterall, the person is mentally ill..
woah.. maybe i should move to woodbridge.. haha
freedom in her soul at 1:39:00 AM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
i'm broke. haha i spent so much on my frens' presents that i scared i can't buy for my brothers.. no choice-it's christmas!! haiz.. nvm will think of way..
slackslackslack.. wonder how long will it last.. hmm few more days later school will start liao.. seems very dreadful to me.. another year of tutorials, lectures, tests.. haiz.. the sound of it makes me sian liao.. plus this year's stuff i haven even grasp properly. dunno next year how am i gonna die.. A levels liao leh!! do or die thingy!! okie.. no point scaring myself so early.. next year stuff next year den say la.. oh ya i haven done my hmwk yet.. rats..
double rats! missed 'charmed' again! last 6 episodes le!
neither here nor there.. no amt of time or courage can change this..
"but for all u know.. i'm just a step away.."
ht! i like this phrase!! haha
there is only 2 routes to a relationship - love or be loved. i'm the latter. which are u?
freedom in her soul at 2:42:00 AM
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
life is already so short.. why do people still waste time on misunderstandings, mistakes and seperation.
christmas is in the air..
freedom in her soul at 12:57:00 AM
Saturday, December 18, 2004
rockclimbing is tough! haha okie maybe just for me.. i just dun have the climbling genes i guess.. haha i can't even reach the middle tiles!! haha felt so damn embarrassed and couldnt stop luffing while i am still on the wall.. haha dunno wad is wrong leh.. last time (though LoonNNggG ago) i still can at least make it to 3/4.. but now is like... haha i dun even dare to say.. but at least i learn how to belay..
cine. kbox. taka. wisma. luckyplaza. wisma. funfair> creepyhse
haha not bad la.. actually it is not that scary but dunno why we are so scared.. haha we went in 2 by 2-ht and rayner den me and ker. while we waiting outside, can hear ht screaming inside liao.. very funny lor! the stuff are pretty typical la.. long haired pple.. sudden sounds.. scary faces.. etc but luckily dun have anything that will come and 'catch' u. haha kinda scared la.. but we try to joke and luff at the stuff. haha but after one of the 'ghost' scared us (i really screamed), we ran thru the whole thingy with ker screaming and i luffing all the way.. haha the whole thing just seems so comical.. towards the end we caught up with them which is when all the 'ghosts' come out to scare us.. but at the moment i was luffing so hard till there are tears. ht was also in tears but out of fear instead.. but very brave liao!! haha
we sat at the mrt talking, planning for today's activity- tennis and shopping. but i wonder with the arms muscle ache how to play tennis?! haha but imagine if we went for a sport everyday.. haha straining but like very fun hor! haha but i am the physically weakness among them.. surely the 1st to cannot take it.. haha apeaking of which i need to train more liao.. haiz.. my brother is still speaking of learning to sail.. haha sounds fun too leh! haha but too bad i dunno how to swim.. hahaha!
the atmosphere is not right.. when will it be ever right?! when will i be able to walk out on my own?!
i like talking to you coz u give me a chance to 'walk out'.. too bad we dun speak often anymore.. things are diff now.. we have diff priorities, we led diff lives..
freedom in her soul at 2:36:00 AM
Thursday, December 16, 2004
went for band bbq.. nuthing much.. didnt stay overnight..
i realise i can make myself real sad if i wan to.. just need to sort of psycho myself a little.. i like being sad when i am alone.. kinda make me feel calm and relaxed in a way.. haha damn sadistic hor! haha
cutting hair tml.. how to cut?!
freedom in her soul at 2:00:00 AM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
went for my section outing! haha they met at 11pm but guess where am i at 11pm? haha ya i am still in bed.. not on purpose of coz! i didnt receive the sms from junyi till this morning, coincidentally at 11pm.. haha my phone is that laggy! heez.. anyway saw gary on the mrt, he went orchard to cut hair... still as outrageous as before.. met them at suntech pizza hut.. everyone is there except lihua and sijia.. anyway had a good time there though i didnt eat.. haha walked to bugis to take neoprint for lihua bday present.. that yuxi so not sporty one.. me and junyi had to drag him in public just to take one neoprint.. and thoughout the session (which is incredibly long coz we spoilt the machine) have to shout to heard each other.. the scene is so messy!! haha anyway they went to watch national treasure while i met up with ht, ker and erm.. dwayne (paiseh had been misspelling his name) at 1st i didnt noe he will be coming, so i was kinda shocked when i saw him at swenson's.. anyway we ate earthquake.. as usual he paid for the bill. felt so damn awkward when the waiter passed the bill across me to him (why do i have to aLwayS sit beside him!?) vice versa.. watched blade trinity.. not my choice, but it's his treat.. hmm okie la.. but kinda a lot bloody scenes.. he drove us to newton circle in his vw convertible.. we muz have looked pretty funny.. 4 teenagers in a pale yellow convertible with blasting music.. but i like his car!! very nice lor.. except the colour though.. haha felt so damn bloody full! he paid for the food again.. ht and i calculated that he spent like $100 dollars on us for 2 outings nia.. feel so uncomfortable having him to foot for everything.. today is the 1st time i went out, watched movie, ate etc w/o spending any money at all! no wonder everything feel so wrong.. haha thankfully we bought him a xmas present.. and at least this time we remembered to thank him.. heez.. walked around/shopped for the guys xmas presents at j8 with ht.. went on a 'wild goose chase' to cityhall (again) with ht before going home.. on the mrt back den i saw a msg from bern saying i passed her and my bro at j8! can't believe i am so blind and deaf.. haiz.. nvm better luck next time ba..
oh my god.. felt so bad, sad, paiseh, wadever~ i mean i noe they have good intentions! but somehow it is just so weird? hmm i dunno la! haha
freedom in her soul at 2:20:00 AM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
*** ROTTING IN PROCESS ***
Bored..bOred..boRed..borEd..boreD
yes that's rite! i'm so sian.. how?? i'm becoming a tv clouch! haiz.. for the 1st time i hope to work for my parents.. not that there is nuthing for me to do.. there is hmwk to do, tests to study for, my room to clean etcetc.. but.. haiz.. let's not talk abt it..
11 more days to x'mas
18 more days to new year
20 more days to sch reopen
..yea..
i have no life :(
freedom in her soul at 2:44:00 AM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
shopped around town with ht.. bought presents.. ht for her dad and me for my bro.. just nice they have the same bday.. haha.. ht bought some clothes.. shopped more.. ate dinner at chatterbox at meritus mandarin.. with ht, ker and dwane.. two words - damn awkward. the whole situation is so werid.. but gotta get use to it soon. anyway it is a free dinner.. haha.. i guess he is okie ba.. looks-wise, character-wise(?), status-wise.. hmmm.. but why we still feel a bit.. hmm.. 'negative' towards him? after dinner, ker and dwane left on his convertable ("please open the top") while me and ht shopped more in taka and wisma.. bought xmas presents for ker and dwane.. walked to the xmas carnival outside orchard mrt.. ht explained the whole MAD movement thingy while we stood at the ice-skating place.. seems so nice.. wish our sch can be involved too.. but forever so slack de.. haiz.. talked a lot abt the past (wad happened the almost-past year), the present (xmas plans), the future (10 years time..) i guess in the future there will be a lot of times like today ba.. so ht! cannot ps me ThAt soon kiE.. haha
anyway! happy 20th birthday to my bro! and happy birthday to uncle (aka ht's dad) too! haha
it is surprising how easy it is to sneak out of hse at 12 am.. see how jiang yi qi i am.. next time u better make sure u come out even if it is 2am or esle i will use my plasters on u.. MuaHahA
our lives are not movies.. our lives are drama serials..
freedom in her soul at 1:23:00 AM
Friday, December 10, 2004

flute section.. (yuxi-SL+lamer, me, junyi-crazyger, seowling-DM!!, lihua-lamer+joker, bernie-atitudesec1, amily-sweetie, yawen-nicey) happy family!! ^_^
freedom in her soul at 2:45:00 AM

chocoholics
freedom in her soul at 2:41:00 AM

the only ex-bandsmen from '03
freedom in her soul at 2:38:00 AM

mr tan, me, junyi and runxuan
freedom in her soul at 2:37:00 AM

4E1~ (+ rayner)
freedom in her soul at 2:31:00 AM

bridesmaids-to-be hahaha..
freedom in her soul at 2:29:00 AM

in the mirror (rayner: 3 adults and a kid) hahaha!
freedom in her soul at 2:25:00 AM

in the tv room
freedom in her soul at 2:24:00 AM
just finish uploading pics from the pop and bbq.. haha kinda tired liao..
Passing Out Parade
this year's pop is really very late.. dunno wad is wrong.. gets later and later every year.. kinda disappointed to see the band so small and somemore so few ex-bandsmen came back.. only huiyun, alvin, kelvin, runxuan and me.. actually xiong, meisiew and songlin came but was sent back by stupid singh for stupid reasons.. hate him!! so kpo... pop is also getting more and more informal liao.. haiz.. kinda miss the 'good old days' where pop was held in the parade sq and there is always lots of tears shed (not that it is a good thing but at least it shows how attached bandsmen are to each other..) but i am just glad to see my friends and juniors.. i am really proud of my flautists and hope they will be more united and better in band!
..1st time see mr tan cry.. a bit shocked and sad.. hope all the conflicts will be resolved..
anyway ate dinner with junyi, runxuan, cailing and scottie at tpy.
4e1 bbq
met xiong at cityhall before going to the chalet. saw mag and germ on the way. the chalet is damn big lor.. it is a bungalow.. really like a house lor.. haha anyway i think i just go there to play dai dee.. ate a little.. played more dai dee.. took some photos den left at 12 sth with ht and rayner.. had some erm.. 'girl talk' in the taxi.. obviously guys think less than girls.. haha.. *still feeling worried though..*
u never call me for no reason.. and the reasons are always the same.. haiz.. but wad esle can i do..
just.stop.trying. PLEASE
freedom in her soul at 2:14:00 AM
Thursday, December 09, 2004
haven been exercising- running etc- with a group for such a long time i almost died while doing pt with the odacians.. "surprising" only 8 (me included) came for it.. well well.. odac has always been a slacker cca.. cannot blame.. but we muz prove the other ccas wrong! haha cat said that the seasports pple were shock to see odac doing pt, "so siong ar!" haha she also overheard the rockclimbers say "wah i didnt noe odac got do pt one. i tot they just sit inside the room and play carem" hahaha duno whether to luff or cry sia.. anyway i think we are not bad la.. just need to train more.. haha actually they have been training everyday for quite some time le. really peifu them... heez.. after that we went to eat mac's.. haiz.. like put back all the calories liao.. haha
on the bus, after rachel left, this ReAlLy fat guy came and sit beside me. he was like sitting 3/4 of the seat lor.. and please lor there are other seats lor! wah Lao~ wanna smack him sia.. at the next stop i str away move to other seats.. -_- *wonder if he is those perverts..* *huMph*
anyway, later gonna go for the band POP.. wah.. finally.. haha den still got the 4e1 chalet.. fri got the 'president's cup' (such a fancy name.. haha).. haiz.. only 2 weeks left (not counting this week).. and i haven start my hmwk yet! l.a.z.y~ sia.. so bored! like cat will say.. cannot stand it!!! hahaha
freedom in her soul at 2:08:00 AM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004

white angel->zt, innocent->ht, red devil->HeHx..
freedom in her soul at 3:22:00 AM
tried studying with zt, ht and ker.. but end up so restless and started playing dai dee.. haiz.. gotta get motivation to study!! : anyway after the so-called studying, went j8 with ht and zt to ahop around.. watched bridget jone's diary after zt left.. not bad.. but felt so embarrassed for the bridget character. she is always embarrassing herself etc.. omg.. had to cover my eyes in 'horror' a couple times.. haha.. went K with ht and ker in AmK.. wun be going back there again.. whole place smell of smoke.. now my clothes, file etc also have that smell.. *yuck* and on our way out, at least 5 policemen wearing bulletproof vest were standing outside the lift downstairs.. for a sec i sort of half-expect them to shout 'FREEZE' or sth.. hahaha.. would be staying over at ht's with ker if mum had not come home today.. talk about good timing.. my parents wun even care if my bro comes home at 5AM or, for a matter of fact, not at all.. okie perhaps just a call or sth.. but for me, NOoooOo~ not even at a friend's hse whom they know where/who etc.. it is as though they are waiting to see me when i get home or the next day morning at oh.. 11.59am? sexual equality definately DO NOT exist in my family.. do you see my brothers doing hsework? -NO- will you see them getting scolded coz they dun? -NO- so.. why am i scolded when i dun? i mean if u say it's coz i belong to this family so shld contribute blah blah.. i will buy it! but dun give me the coz-i'm-a-girl-so-i-muz-do-it shit. WaDEvEr~~ wad the hell.. please pple! modernise a little ya? *totally pissed off..*
okie better get some zzz's or esle i will get totally drama and complain-y abt it.. haiz..
freedom in her soul at 3:10:00 AM
Monday, December 06, 2004

family photo taken during cny this year.. dunno why post it also.. haha
freedom in her soul at 2:12:00 AM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
went shopping for shoes with ht and zt.. haha we went to queensway to look den end up eating at ikea's. haha i like the swedish meatballs! walked around the place (i love ikea stuff-very nice! esp the kid's stuff) before taking a taxi to orchard.. haha we went paragon to shape our eyebrows! haha very funny leh i think! anyway now i look pretty weird coz i think it is too thin and fake.. haha nvm la for the fun of it lor.. but so PaiN!! haha plus the person got very bad AP.. keep grumbling.. wadever.. haha
shopped around at heeran.. saw seekfong!! haha think 1 year nv see her le.. haha she going california next week with her band lor.. aj band so good meh?! haha *dead jealous..* haha.. met up with cm.. went taka's stadium to look for more shoes! haha in the end me and zt bought the same shoes-just diff colour.. haha she's blue, i'm yellow adidas sportshoes! haha look okie la.. kinda desperate at that moment liao.. haha.. met up with xiong, ker and jh den go buy ht's converse bag..
so tired and hungry liao! so go and eat the 'da pai dang'.. so many pple and so ex lor!! one plate of fu jian mian $6 lor!! i heard the price kanna shocked sia.. hahaha muz be the chilli.. hahaha waited with ker for her fren.. xiong tried to trick passersby into looking at sth that he pointed.. me and ht followed suit.. 'ni kan, ni kan!!!' *point*point* .. but to no avail.. pple in orchard road just mind their own business eh? haah anyway saw cat on the way to mrt. hit her arm so hard till she say it is as though i thought her arm got leech.. hahaha
tired now.. but happy!! finally went home NOT empty-handed.. hahaha!! going crazy liao.. ^_^
finally.. i thought i will never do it.. but today suddenly have that courage.. maybe it is because i am tooo tired to think of the consequences..
there is so much things i want u all to noe.. but how can i communicate with u all without talking? everyone will get hurt in the end when the truth is out.. it is only a matter of time.. i am seeing it happen before my eyes yet i can't do anything other than the little pranks.. pretending that it never happened doesn't mean the prob will go away.. i can't do everything on my own.. yet i dun wanna involve u all.. haiz.. it had been a crazy time...
freedom in her soul at 3:30:00 AM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
sianXxZzz!!! haiz.. playing hexic now.. i sux at it kiExx.. dunno how to form a bloody star let alone a pearl.. haiz.. Hahaha! just now talk to ker on phone.. both of us so sian at home but i too tired to go out.. haha.. yest went cj's for bbq.. so few pple go.. and in the end i didnt even eat bbq food at all.. they couldnt get the fire started.. sth wrong with the charcoal i heard.. cj's parents cooked for us while we watched s'pore idol.. btw TAUFIK won!! haha.. kinda expected la.. his voice is wAyyy better than sly lor.. haha anyway i didnt even talk to most of the pple there.. only to amrit, rx, andy, zt, mag, sarah and cj (to say thanks and bye) hahaha.. kinda pathetic for a bbq la i think.. hahaha.. going to eat channel u with jj later.. he always muz eat channel u one lor.. haha.. so sian!! haiz... *checking my organiser* opps! next week my bro's bday liao.. wad to buy?!
23 days to X'MaS!!! hohoho~
freedom in her soul at 4:20:00 PM
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
woaH! i am back! again! haha this time it is from endau rompin johor national park, malaysia!! haha! so fast 4 days, 3 nights passed! now i feel as though everything is a blur.. when i was in my dad's car on my way home den i realised that i had just came back from a camp.. with odac (and some soccer guys)! in the jungle! haha okie maybe not really considered camping in a jungle.. i mean meals are provided, toilet facilities provided (thankfully!!) and the other odds and ends.. but it is so fun!! haha of coz except the leeches, mosquitoes etcetc.. the trekking and rafting had been physically challenging and mentally draining but i have really gained a lot of experience from it.. 7 hours of trekking to and back Buaya Sangkut waterfalls, 1 hour non-stop rafting down Jasin River.. u got to learn sth out from it right??! haha anyway i think i most enjoyed not the activities but the informal interactions we had.. haha everyone sitting around the long table in the dark listening to dirty jokes, ghost stories, debriefing; playing zhong ji mi ma to determine who wash the utensils; playing 'chop chilli chop' with the soccer guys; playing animal game, 007, hands tapping in the girls' dorm; screaming around when we kanna attacked by leeches; laughing at each other's passport photos; and basically just listening to mingzhi/rachel/cat/lishuang/elaine laming and crapping around.. hahaha well, just hope we are more bonded after this trip ba.. haha can't wait to see the photos of the trip!! ^_^
okie now that i am back i have to settle down fast and get back to my schedue.. got quite a number of things to do.. like cleaning my room (groans), study (GROANS) and some other things to settle.. haiz.. haha back to reality..
freedom in her soul at 1:44:00 AM

the INSTRUCTORS (be afraid.. very afraid) muahaha
freedom in her soul at 1:18:00 AM

the 'xiao guas'- sec2s
freedom in her soul at 1:16:00 AM

biskut gula-->essential camp food
freedom in her soul at 1:16:00 AM

BooHoO! where is KEL?!
freedom in her soul at 1:12:00 AM